I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
