easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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