Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
