I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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