I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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