Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
