people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
