jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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