I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
