38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
