I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
