She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Randomize
