he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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