We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Still dying that you shit outside
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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