hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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