Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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