we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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