ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
