I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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