I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
