yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
