He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
