I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
As shirtless as possible
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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