i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
