The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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