It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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