Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You pole danced in your parka.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
