she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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