Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
