I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
