i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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