Soap is not a condiment
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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