i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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