I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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