I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I wish i was in the wii world.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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