I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
