i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
