I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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