I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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