Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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