doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
