I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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