I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
