I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
