My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
