Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
God, you're like boner-b-gone
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
