i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
