I think my fart just growled at me.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
