Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
