How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Randomize
