OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
