He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
porn star boner night. come get it.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
