After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Randomize
