WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You can't just leave with hair like that
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
