I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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