New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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